when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
