Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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