i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
