last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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