Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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