Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
