I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
