her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
