the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
