I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
