ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
