You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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