I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
