shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
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He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
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How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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