thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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