Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
