So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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