Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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