So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
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She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
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If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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