I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
