But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
