Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
