dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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