Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
