i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize