so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
FUCK WHALES
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
