my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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