i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
