The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
