her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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