Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
