You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
