btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
