I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
