I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If I die, sorry about rent.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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