Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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