This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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