Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
