i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
