WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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