It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
