I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
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Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
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She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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