What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Found the puke drawer
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
