roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
