Did you just see the Batmobile???
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
