Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
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We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
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I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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