dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
