I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
