i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
