The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
