I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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