i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
please come you make the beer taste better
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
