i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
