his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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