Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
