Don't make out with my wife yet
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
