Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
