she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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