so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
