At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
