my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
