I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
