whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
