I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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