You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
