so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
