Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
