the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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