Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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