So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
