I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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