She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
