We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
