I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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