false alarm. still invincible.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
