he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
