does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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