If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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