I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
