i was born a porn star she said
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
