Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
