Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
