Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
