I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
