I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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