Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Two words: blizzard sex
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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