first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
