Do you still have your period?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
