i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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